When I ask for a “water cup” at a fast food restaurant with a self-serve soda fountain, a rapid exchange of telling glances between the cashier and me ensue. The cashier’s untrusting eyes say "Are you going to steal my soda? Are you too cheap to pay the $.95 for a small drink? I and all my henchmen here in El Pollo Loco will be watching you." With my eyes I offer the maniacal rebuttal “I know you’ll be watching, but what if I sneakily fill my water cup with Sprite? From your distant post behind the counter, Sprite and water look identical. And unless you or your henchmen are willing to smell my beverage to discern the contents of my water cup, I am home free. So go ahead, smell my beverage. I dare you.”
With glares locked in mutual disdain, the cashier hands me my cup and I back slowly towards the soda fountain, never breaking our laser-beam eye lock. Once there, I grasp the flimsy handle affixed to the side of Hi-C dispensing portion of the soda fountain and let the water drain into my cup. As I and my cup again pass by the cashier en route to a seat on the hard plastic swivel chairs along the big aluminum-framed window, I send one last message via my squinty gaze which reads: “Please, do you really think I would sell my integrity for $.95 worth of corn syrup and carbonation? I tread the higher road. I accompany my meals not with the cheap thrills of soda, but with the substantive goodness of water.”
- clintclintclintclint
- A man of great distinction, prone to swapping desserts in the place of meals, stuck in an era he was never part of in the first place, a tall drink of water, sticks out like a sore thumb, tries really hard not to laugh at bathroom humor but fails.
4 comments:
The other day at the Italian deli I was telling you about... somebody I was with got Sprite in his water cup. It made me think of this story.
Except I didn't think he had sold his integrity once I tasted my water {horrible, moldy}. Apparently, he had been there before.
i feel the same way when non-students use their student i.d. for the $1.50 discount at the movies. really? if your that hard up for cash that your willing to "sell your integrity" for a buck-fifty, well then my friends, you should not be spending your money at the movies in the first place. (i don't really feel that they're selling their integrity...i just find it amusing that you put it that way.)
your stories are brilliant and your writing, superb. hope you don't mind that it's now my favorite site.
Whenever I get a water cup (which is always) I try and make it abundantly obvious that I am, in fact, getting water. I will stand to the side so they can watch me fill, if necessary. I have no idea why it matters so much what the cashier at Cafe Rio thinks of me.
That reminds me of the time that the golden spoon owner was like "Did you pay for that topping?" No, I just spend twenty dollars on yogurt but tried to steal the dollar topping....idiot.
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