Thursday, July 16, 2009

dinner table conversation.

As I've mentioned before, Angela and I are of a dying breed—the young, somewhat newly married, and still childless couple. Almost all the other couples our age are up to their elbows in babies and baby paraphernalia (toys, puke, rotting diapers, etc.). There seems to be a social partition between pre-parents (us) and parents (pretty much everyone else). We work, do homework, come and go as we please, speak in adult voices, sleep through the night and so forth. They, on the other hand, use the word “onesie” at least a dozen times daily. Instead of discussing crocodile wrestling or introducing the concept of hugs as currency, their blogs are meaningful, doubling as scrapbooks, serving to document Olivia’s first steps or Jack’s hilarious crayon tirade.

I’ve noticed that many of these other couples don’t really like to talk about the things Angela and I talk about. Music? Not really. Good design? Nope. Books? There’s hardly time for a good night’s sleep, much less pleasure reading. But one thing’s for sure—they love to talk about their kids. And when discussing their kids, it seems that any subject is deemed appropriate. For instance, the other night at a dinner we attended one mother explained to the rest of those present, “Oh, little Cannon is doing so good at going on the potty. Yesterday I walked by the bathroom and caught him staring into the bowl of his mini-toilet. I asked him “Did you poopy?” and he shook his head yes and held out his hand for a candy reward.” Everyone laughed. “Oh that Cannon…” The story is plenty cute and all. I just think it poses an awful double standard; at the dinner table a mother can discuss the disgusting details of her son’s bowel movement, but not a full five minutes later I ask one hypothetical question about whether or not you would go to the bathroom through your nose for the rest of your life for ten million dollars and everyone looks at me like I’m some sort of sicko.

20 comments:

Myke said...

Haha, great post. (I'm not blog stalking, you posted a link for it on Facebook.)

To answer your question, I don't think I'd do it for ten million. It'd have to be something non-material, like an exchange for a super power like flying or something.

mad white woman said...

See Clint, once you have children you can get away with all your bathroom talk. Life will be SO much better.

blakeblakeblakeblake said...

i usually get away with bathroom talk at the dinner table even though im not yet a parent. its because whenever im asked to say something in spanish i talk about the most recent dirty diaper of roman & or delaney. you guys are none the wiser.

Sarah Anne said...

It's only cute when it's about a kid, Clint. Not when it's a hypothetical moment coming from an adult. I've learned that, too. :)

Braden said...

Not if I retained my sense of smell. If it were just pee, though, I'd probably do it for a million.

Jill said...

this is so funny, and true. my husband + i are going to try to maintain a well-rounded conversation habits even after the baby comes. its important... and i want to hang onto my art/design/music interests. wishful thinking?

Todd and Heather Moulton said...

I think you are completely correct. My sister just had another child and my wife and I are in the process of buying a house and the new child is getting all the attention and my sister all the praise. Don't bother praising the childless couple who are trying to open another chapter in their life. And as for the poop conversations, they are ok at certain times, but not at the table. And as "Myke" said (I'm not blog stalking, you posted a link for it on facebook."

Anonymous said...

wondefully put! "oh that Cannon..." Loved it! And completely sympathize!

Rachel+Co said...

happy birthday clint. i want to know who are you having dinner with.

that would be really depressing to think that you give up all of yourself, your past interests, and your ability to discuss such things once you have children. my experience couldn't be more opposite.

i suggest finding a new group to dine with, or have kids, or both.

clintclintclintclint said...

rachel,

i actually wrote this months ago and just got around to posting it. so i hope that my recollection is correct when i say that the dinner was at your parent's house. anna was the ecstatic mother. clara was "cannon"--the child relishing his own fecal matter.

Shawn Jensen said...

Boy do we understand where you're coming from. We were among the last of our friends to spawn offspring. We found it strange to gradually see our conversations moving from the latest movies, stupid celebrities, and where our next exciting adventures would take us to how many times someone's daughter can jump on one foot, the nasty rash another's boy had on his HOO HOO, and other similar subjects. But if you ever need to discuss the monetary value of nose pooping, the Jensen's are game!

TheMoncurs said...

I wish it wasn't true but...it is. I talk about my kid nonstop. Especially bathroom habits.

However, I DO read a ton and thus can also discuss books. And the weather. So there's that.

Kayla

Rachel+Co said...

clint,

oh dear. that could make finding new dinner mates a bit awkward.

just wait until angela gives birth. you'll be throwing around words like "vaginal" and "episiotomy" as easily as "dylan" and "the golden mean".

until then, relish in your d.i.n.k. status. (double income; no kids). the rest of us will hope some of your hipness rubs off on us.

Lindsey Kilpatrick said...

Ten million...yes! I will try to lay off of the kids stories. Especially the poop ones.

Anonymous said...

this is so funny, and we agree. not only do they talk about kids but every detail of child birth, no? (landon thinks our friends secretly hate us for not having kids.)

your music is so good. thank you again.

Natalie said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA freakin' yes. this is genius. so sardonic, i could eat it with a dessert spoon. no whipped cream though o.O that's just sicknast.

you remind me of blake. woo.

aaron said...

This has nothing to do with your post, but I thought you'd want to know. It's a sad day:
http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSTRE57C3TI20090813

Busy Bee Lauren said...

This may be my favorite post ever.

TheMoncurs said...

I'm not sure...a million dollars just isn't what it used to be. 10 million is tempting, but I might need a bit more. Make it 20 mill and I'll probably do it.

For the record, my child's bathroom habits are NEVER dinner table fodder. That's gross.

Kayla

TheMoncurs said...

Hey, apparently I already commented on this and forgot. You need to post more often.

Kayla