I learned a long time ago that it’s a bad idea to compare yourself to other people. It’s a lose-lose situation. By so doing, you anchor your self-concept to a moving, relative target, thereby setting yourself up for surefire dissatisfaction. That’s why many moons ago I decided to never compare myself to other people. So maybe Johnny rolls on twenties. Good for him. Oh what’s that? By the time Doug was my age he’d already started a successful grout company and fathered three beautiful children. Well great! It’d be pointless for me to compare myself against Johnny’s inefficiently dimensioned wheels or Doug’s grout biz. It does no good for me or them.
So I don’t compare myself to other people. Instead, I’ve found that it’s much more effective to compare myself to other animals. My house is way bigger than any bird’s nest, beehive, or beaver’s dam. And my party etiquette and small talk, no matter how uncomfortably awkward or crassly inappropriate, is leagues ahead of the sort of bum sniffing that so many dogs engage in upon encountering a new acquaintance. And if I’m feeling a little less than confident about my physical appearance, by all means, I’ll just do a Google search for that species of monkey with the big, disgustingly red butt and suddenly I feel like a regular Tom Cruise.
Really, comparing yourself to animals is perhaps the best approach to developing a strong self concept. How else will one be made to feel superior simply by going to the bathroom in a toilet instead of leaving refuse scattered randomly around the house? It’s a great system.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
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8 comments:
That is a great concept. Next time I feel like I have bad breath I can just recall how my dogs eat their poop. Everything in life is so relative.
this is awesome.
this one made me laugh out loud clint. i HATE going to peoples houses and they let their dogs sniff you in areas you'd rather they not... see, if you compare all of my embarrassing stories to animals, i am really not that embarrassing... i never "accidentally" sniff people in inappropriate places!
i could sniff a school bus of strangers in all imaginable places and still have less awkward stories than cherryl.
p.s. i demand more blog!
my google reader misses you.
MORE BLOGGIN' LESS WHATEVERELSEYOUDO.
You are probably the worst brother ever. Why don't you post more blogs?
That's a good way of seeing things, i like it, i much going to do that.
I'll try it... for example, my dog is all hairy and happy, and, well, im kind of bald and, not that happy.... ok, i'll try it later maybe.
;)
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