M & M's.

So I guess everyone is probably aware that the M&M’s have been dubbed “the milk chocolate that melts in your mouth, not in your hand.” I’ll admit that that is one catchy slogan. It really rolls off the tongue—almost with the sort of mellifluence typical of a Shakespearean couplet. But I guess it’s the logistical implications of the slogan that bother me. For me personally, chocolate melting in the palm of my hand hasn’t been a huge problem. In fact, I can’t remember the last time that happened. Typically, if I have chocolate in my hand, it’s only there as a sort of pit stop between candy jar and mouth. If you’re holding chocolate in your hand long enough that it starts melting, I really think that that is a you problem. Maybe you just really like holding things without ever using them for their intended purpose. If that was the case, then certainly I could see the M&M’s slogan really resonating with you. You could hold those tasty treats all day and not worry yourself one bit. But then again, if you’re just into holding things why not try a stapler or a paper clip? Those objects aren’t equipped with an intrinsic proclivity to melting in the first place. You could hold and cling and heft them to your heart’s fullest desire and not for one second teeter on the perilous precipice of melt-ation.

But what’s worse is that until I heard M&M’s slogan about their candies not melting in your hand, I didn’t even think of melting as a fate for which my candy might be at risk. The existence of the slogan causes me to assume that all other candies absolutely will melt in the palm of my hand—for they don’t have a slogan to assure me otherwise. Therefore, my plan is to launch a product that is exceptionally similar to M&M’s—small, beadlike, colorful shell-covered chocolates—except my slogan will be “the milk chocolate that melts in your mouth, but doesn’t explode in the palm of your hand, maiming you for life.”