olympics schmolympics.

So the Olympics seem to be a pretty big deal lately. Everyone’s all a’rage about the swimming. But to me, it’s not that impressive. Even though the swimmers are probably going pretty fast, I easily go four to five times that fast everyday in my car. And no one ever gives me a medal. If the Olympics people want swimming to appear more impressive they should dedicate the middle lane not to some hairless wonder with a speedy qualifying time, but rather to an average person. That way, when all the Olympians finish a full six minutes ahead of Barbara Kowalski, thirty-six year old bank teller from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, everyone will be like “Wow, did you see how Phelps freaking rocked that bank teller? That was impressive.” Ratings will skyrocket.