hugs.

Don’t tell me to give someone a hug for you. Because I’m not going to. That hug which you gave to me to give to another I will hoard for myself instead.

The value of the American dollar is rapidly depleting. Eventually it will fail altogether. And then we’ll have to find a new form of currency. People will suggest all sorts of things to replace the dollar —gold, baseball cards, those rubbery Lance Armstrong wrist band things, wampum—you know, whatever. And that’s when I will create an extremely powerful and persuasive political action committee to lobby Washington lawmakers. Under the profound influence of my lobbyist henchmen, the federal government will unite to decree hugs to be the new national currency. And because every time someone hugs me and tells me to pass it on to another party I instead keep it for myself, I’ll be the richest man in America. Hugs-wise.